By Amy Brown
I love my son more because of my nanny.
Did I say that out loud?
But in all seriousness, I think I really do.
Towards the end of my maternity leave, I was certain that I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. I’d loved being there day in and day out, watching him reach milestones and develop the most perfect little character. It felt rewarding knowing his routine and being the one able to meet his needs because I knew him so well. So it as with a heavy heart that I returned to work.
But what in my wildest imaginings I always seemed to forget was that while on maternity leave, Mama Vee had been quietly there, supporting me and offering me that much needed respite when things felt overwhelming.
I wanted so desperately to jealously keep him all to myself, but from day 1 of arriving home I made sure to include her because after all she’d be filling my shoes when I did eventually return to work.
And I’m so glad I did!
She allowed me the opportunity to get a bit of shut-eye in the morning after long nights of feeding, but what I didn’t realise at the time, having time to make myself some breakfast and eat it slowly, followed by a long warm shower allowed me the opportunity to feel relatively human. And feeling human allowed me to be the best mom I could be to my Little One.
And I’m also not sure that Mama Vee will ever fully understand how her mere presence during the day helped keep the birds of sadness from settling in my hair. Being a stay-at-home mom can feel incredibly lonely. Your identity becomes tightly knitted with your Little One’s and you can, if you’re not too careful, lose sight of yourself. Having someone to talk to about things beyond nappies and leaking boobs kept me sane, and we forged an understanding and empathy for one another that wouldn’t have been possible otherwise.
I could have felt jealous of Mama Vee after my return to work because the relationship that developed between her and my Little One was incredibly tight. She began to understand him better than I did and was able to share insights into his behavior that only comes from spending hours and hours with him — the hours I was missing by being at work.
But I consciously chose not to feel jealous. Instead I chose to celebrate this incredible bond! It’s not easy to entrust your Little One to the care of another, but one’s return to work would be really tough if you were constantly wondering what was happening back home. And by giving her that space to truly forge that bond without micro-management (let me tell you, that was tough!) has meant there’s a secure attachment in place between them in my absence and I wouldn’t want anything else for my Boy.
And I truly have come to realise that Mama Vee’s involvement in my Little One’s life affords me the capacity to be the best mom possible to him. She helps me meet his needs and affords me the opportunity to get the best of him in the afternoons when I get home from work.
More than once I’ve returned home to see her sitting on the floor, defeated, while he climbs all over her, all the while shrieking with delight. And the look of utter devastation as he waves her goodbye confirms what I’ve known all along: He’s happy and fulfilled, and that’s all a mom can ask for.
So, yes. I love my son more because of my nanny. She provides me the opportunity to fill my cup before I try to fill my son’s.
This is a shout out to all the second-mamas who love our children like their own. We don’t deserve them, but damn are we so grateful for them.
